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Ever get hyperfocused on the sheer oddness of being alive? Sometimes I do and now is one of those times. It’s not a full-on existential crisis, it’s more of an existential bewilderment caused by knowing we’re all gonna meet our maker in the end but in the meantime we have to do things like change air filters, research insurance policies, and tend to an exhaustive list of other tasks that are devoid of substance and it all just makes me so confused and bored and angry that I want to crawl into a gopher hole. But I don’t crawl into a gopher hole. I pluck all the swirling thoughts from the ether and put them in list form. Here are two memories from the list that I’ve been chewing on for years (interestingly, both are from grad school): 1) In my first semester, a professor said to me, “be cautious of revealing too much of yourself”. She spoke the words with wide, serious eyes, letting me know this was coming from personal experience. It was a really conflicting bit of advice because that’s exactly what I wanted to do…share it all. 2) A lot of practical things were learned and a lot of experience and awareness was gained in art school but we never discussed where ideas and inspiration come from. None of us would’ve known the answer but acknowledging it would have, at the very least, attached importance to it. The great thing about these experiences is that they set me on a quest to find my own answers. Why isn’t being unabashedly authentic a priority in our society? Why is someone considered a crackpot because they tip their hat to the magic we can’t understand? These are the big picture things I strive to one day do with ease.
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